Forgotten Childhood
by KurohimePhantomlord
Summary: Experiences in the past is one of the factors to one's nen ability. Antoinette, a teenage girl who's a member of the Troupe, has the ability to know the truths she seeks by looking at someone in the eye but what was the reason why she chose such an ability? And what in the world does Hisoka's so-called friend, Illumi got to do with it?


Forgotten Childhood

"Where have you been?" A woman in her late teens, but looks younger than her age, suspiciously greeted Hisoka near the threshold of their base.

Hisoka stared at the woman with a slight smile on his face. "I had a little chat with a friend." And with that, he gestured for someone to approach. "Antoinette, meet Illumi." A tall dark-haired and pale skinned man approached.

Antoinette eyed the man for a moment then turned with a wave and said, "I could care less." Then walked back inside.

Illumi looked at Hisoka and Hisoka smiled wider at him. "That girl was Antoinette. She's the Troupe's 'jewel'. There's not a person in the Troupe who doesn't like her and, yes, that includes me. Also, she's sort of an apprentice to Chrollo and Machi so you should know where she gets her dislike towards me. She's bound to be the first priority if there's anyone who should be replaced."

Illumi didn't reply and merely looked at the woman who was wearing a black gothic Lolita dress with white trimmings, the sleeves doing down to her wrists, the skirt going down to above her knees, and underneath are black stockings and she wears black shoes with platforms. She was happily conversing with one of the Troupe members, a woman named Pakunoda.

"So, shall we go in?"Hisoka walked in, followed by Illumi.

Every person in the room looked at them as they made their way towards Chrollo who was eyeing them closely. The Troupe has a mission for the following night and they need a professional assassin to kill someone for them while they have their hands full so Hisoka recommended his friend (or that's what he calls him), Illumi Zoldyck.

After brief introductions, Chrollo called for Antoinette.

"Yes, boss?" Antoinette asked as she arrived.

"Take a look at the person in front of you and tell me what you think."Chrollo ordered.

Antoinette examined Illumi from toe to head then locking in on his eyes. A stare down occurred between them. Illumi blankly gazed at those violet eyes before him but upon doing so, he felt something different, something he hasn't experienced before but before he could ponder, Antoinette broke away.

"He's competent. We can rely on him to get the task done as smoothly as possible." Antoinette closed her eyes then looked at Chrollo who nodded.

"Thank you, Antoinette." He said. Antoinette nodded back but rather than going back to Pakunoda, she remained close to Chrollo's side.

" need you to kill this particular governor for us."Chrollo gave him a picture of a greedy looking man in his mid-thirties. "He's bound to hire more skillful guards due to the event he shall hold the following night."

Illumi examined the picture. "I see. This is what some people are talking about, the grand jewelry auction. So how much are you willing to give as payment?"

"As much as the service requires."

Illumi pondered at these words for a moment and stared at the picture.

_This is a very influential man, one who's probably hired one of us back then. All right._

"3 billion jenny."Illumi lifted his hand with three fingers sticking out.

Antoinette resisted the urge to complain. _Isn't that… a little too much? _She just glared at Illumi.

Chrollo thought about it for a moment then said, "Fine."

Satisfied, Illumi turned and headed for the exit. Hisoka, with that creepy smile on his face, accompanied him. Once they're gone and Antoinette far from their hearing distance, she turned to Chrollo and asked, "Don't you think that the price is too much, boss? He only needs to kill one person or maybe a few more if you include the guards but… even the guards don't sum up to 3 billion."

"Antoinette…Think about it. The man we asked him to target is a very influential person, both in his regular business and in the underworld. There is the possibility that the governor has been one of the Zoldyck family's many clients."Chrollo explained.

_But wouldn't that be biased? _Antoinette thought then she started rethinking. _If the governor has been a past client and will surely be a future client as well, then it would be beneficial for the Zoldycks but if he were to be killed… Well, I suppose it would be a loss for them. However…_

"I get what you mean now, boss, but… doesn't the Zoldyck Family have many clients already? It seems a little greedy of them to be asking for such high amounts."Chrollo chuckled at Antoinette's words which puzzled the young lady.

"You're curiosity and judgment are very amusing, dear Antoinette, but always remember… greed is one of the things that make this world go round."Chrollo was serious as he said that.

It is true. Greed. They're thieves. They steal as much as their hearts desire and they don't just target petty sales. They target the biggest auctions the world has ever seen or yet to see. Antoinette realized that she doesn't have the right to call the Zoldycks greedy because she herself is.

"So, you're not puzzled?"Hisoka suddenly asked once they were out of the troupe's earshot.

"Of what?"Illumi has an idea of what Hisoka meant but he's not risking looking like a fool in front of one.

"Oh you know… She stared into your eyes, right? Didn't you feel something off? Especially when she all of a sudden judged your skills without even knowing them."

Illumi stopped walking in order to reconsider. "I… suppose I did."

Hisoka chuckled. "So she used her nen on you. Oh well… Don't you think her eyes are adorable? Like two rare gems you want gouge out."

Illumi can see the look of lust on Hisoka's face. "I think you'd do well to keep your hands away from her."

"Oh? What's this? Competition?" Amusement was written all over Hisoka's face.

"Not a chance. I'm not interested in her. I'm just saying that… if the Troupe cares for her as much as you say, then they'll be sure to hunt you down and the spider will tear you limb from limb."

"And that isn't something I should look forward to?" Hisoka licked his lips. "Not a chance."

Illumi closed his eyes and looked away. "Well, whatever. Don't expect me to come running to your aid when that happens."

Hisoka chuckled. "I would never."

* * *

The following night, just as they planned, the Spiders raided the auction, killed every person in the building and took their money and all the jewelry and treasure they can find. The guards that were hired were able to use nen but were no match for the Troupe. Once everything was done on their side, Chrollo asked Antoinette to go and check on Illumi wherein she did so without question or complaint but not without dislike.

Quickly, she left the building. Jumping from rooftop to rooftop, she soon arrived in front of a huge mansion. The lawn was decorated by corpses of guards with guns, taken out within a mere second. Cautiously, she approached the mansion, glancing at the dead bodies from time to time. Before she could open the front door, a cold voice greeted her.

"What are you doing here?"

Antoinette turned around, her black locks gently swaying in the night's breeze, and faced the emotionless assassin before her.

"Boss ordered me to check on you." She answered, her voice mimicking the coldness in his.

"Well, I was about to phone him anyway so there wasn't any need for it. Besides, weren't you the one who told him that I can be trusted with this job?" Illumi took out his phone.

"Only with the job. You can knock down the 'trust' part."

Antoinette eyed Illumi as he started dialing Chrollo's number.

_Should I stare into his eyes again? No. There's no point._

The moment Illumi finished dialing, Antoinette took the phone from his hand.

"Boss" She started.

"Antoinette." Chrollo replied.

"He did it. Everyone here's dead. When do we give him the pay?"

"It will be sent to his account. You may leave and come back now."

"Got it. Thanks, boss." With that, Antoinette ended the call and threw the phone back at Illumi which he caught expertly.

He put the phone back in his pocket and asked, "How long have you been apprenticed to Chrollo?"

"That's none of your business." Antoinette replied and started walking away.

"But can they really rely on a little girl for important tasks?" Well, that made a vain pop.

Antoinette clenched her fists and turned to face Illumi, glaring daggers and one could easily read on her face the words 'I'll kill you'. Even her aura dictates the same thing.

Illumi just stared blankly at her and Antoinette, realizing how futile it is to get angry and letting her emotions get in the way again, looked away and calmed down. She continued walking away and that was the last time he saw her, and that was the last time she saw him.

* * *

How long has it been? Weeks? Months? Time was cruel enough to make Illumi feel like it was all just yesterday and here he is again, doing another job for Chrollo. Ah, nostalgia. Ah, time… so cruel indeed for even if the moment was only yesterday, the suppressed longing felt like years. But what is that longing? Who was that girl to even leave even the slightest mark on his invincible armor?

"Hello?" on the other line was the familiar voice of a woman.

"It's me." Illumi answered in his usual tone.

"Did you kill them? The ten dons?" As usual, her tone was cold and professional. It was like they never met.

"Of course. Just send the payment to my account."

The call ended and Illumi put his phone back in his pocket.

"Boss!" Antoinette, upon seeing a familiar figure enter the room, ran towards a beaten and wounded Chrollo.

"Antoinette" He replied as his subordinate approached him and accompanied him inside.

"I contacted Illumi Zoldyck."

"He successfully killed the Ten Dons."

Antoinette nodded. "How did you know?"

"I wouldn't be here if he didn't."

Those words were enough to let her know that the mafia also hired Zoldyck assassins. Antoinette knows very well that the only assassins capable of eliminating anyone in the Troupe are the Zoldycks. Anyone who believes otherwise is a fool.

Antoinette smiled and then said, "Well, boss, allow me to tend to your wounds now."

* * *

"_Hey, cut that out!" from out of the blue, a young boy, a few years older than little Antoinette, yelled out._

"_Yeah? And who are you?" One of the boys bullying Antoinette asked smugly, casually playing with a rock in his hand._

_The young boy moved his lips but Antoinette wasn't able to understand. One of her ears was damaged due to the assault and she needed to run back to her Chrollo nii-sama for help but they wouldn't let her._

"_I said, leave her alone!" For a moment, Antoinette could've sworn that the boy multiplied but it was all too fast and in front of her lay the dead bodies of her attackers._

_She stared at them then at the boy in awe. The boy had short jet-black hair, big eyes with two big pitch black pupils. He was wearing a green jacket and underneath is a light blue turtleneck, and he was smiling at her with his hand outstretched. Strangely enough, she took it and he pulled her up. She continued to stare at him. Was it so odd to suddenly trust a stranger? They don't know a thing about each other and here they were. Could the murder of her attackers actually be considered a heroic act of salvation? _

_Before another word could come out of her lips, Antoinette's good ear heard a familiar voice calling out to her and so she lets go of the strange boy's hand and ran off. She could hear the boy yelling after her but she ignored him and ran away even faster… because he was a stranger and little girls like her shouldn't even talk to them._

Antoinette slowly opened her eyes. It was very dark and she can hear the roaring thunder, the howling wind and the splashing of the rain strongly outside. In her ears, such a thing is an orchestra; a chaotic and strong rhythm. She would usually get up and wave her arms, as though conducting nature's orchestra but right now, she doesn't feel like it and merely wanted to listen. Listen… If it weren't for Chrollo, she wouldn't have been able to fully appreciate even the simplest melodies in life.

Right after that incident, Chrollo swore to be able to get the money needed for the operation but even when he was able to, the doctor said that it would be impossible and that Antoinette would be half-deaf for life. Whether it was a lie to get rid of a bunch of non-existent people or not, Chrollo and Machi left, downhearted. When the time came that Chrollo's nen ability was to steal other nen user's abilities, the first thing that crossed his mind was to track down a healer using nen. With the help of Machi, they were successful but the healer was on her deathbed and had only limited time to live so Chrollo, with great skill, quickly stole her ability and, with Antoinette waiting outside the dying healer's room, healed her ear. It was one of the happiest moments of Antoinette's life and she could never thank Chrollo enough for it.

_Chrollo nii-sama…_ At the thought of Chrollo, she jolted and sat up, causing some of the members to react immediately and hold her down on the flat surface.

"L-let go of me! I need to save Chrollo nii-sama!" Antoinette exclaimed but the people holding her down were too strong for her.

"Calm down, Antoinette! Pakunoda is already negotiating with the chain user!" Nobunaga exclaimed, using all his strength to counter Antoinette's.

Antoinette continued to struggle but later on calmed down.

"The boss will be fine, Antoinette." Machi told her and stroked her silky black locks. "Don't worry."

Antoinette only nodded and remembered her earlier outburst in the hotel's lobby after realizing that Chrollo's been kidnapped. She would have ran after the chain user and killed him or at least set Chrollo nii-sama free before dying in the chain users hands. She would have done everything to get Chrollo back but before all that, Machi ordered Shizuku to knock her out. She covered her eyes with her arm in shame. She has lost all control of herself and for that, she considers herself the weakest.

"As long as you follow Kurapika's conditions, he won't harm your brother." All of them looked at the little boy with spiky black hair, determined brown eyes and slightly tanned skin.

Antoinette slightly moved her head and took a peek. She almost forgot about the two boys they held hostage.

"Oi, don't get too cocky, boy." Phinks cracked his knuckles.

"No, Phinks. It's ok." Antoinette then turned to the boy named Gon and said, "He's not my brother. He's my boss. … But thank you." A small smile crawled up to Antoinette's lips.

"Antoinette, you don't need to be so polite with these boys. They're our hostages after all." Feitan lectured.

Antoinette didn't reply and just went back to her last position.

"Look, why don't you take a rest? You're still pretty stressed out by all this. When you wake up… the boss will be right beside you." Machi suggested.

"Really?" Antoinette moved her arm and took a peek at Machi's eyes but she wasn't looking her way.

Machi nodded but the fact that she didn't look Antoinette straight in the eye made Antoinette uncomfortable so she sat up.

"Maybe… I'll just go for a walk."

"You can't." Feitan said.

"The chain user ordered that all of us stay in the base. If even one goes missing, he'll kiss the boss." Machi explained.

Antoinette looked at both of them lied back down.

"Fine" she said and turned to her side, her back against everyone in the room and closed her eyes.

"Sleep well, Antoinette." She heard Machi say and she drifted off to a dreamless sleep.

For how long has Antoinette been asleep? They say that a good sleep may last for hours but you'll only feel like it's been minutes the moment you wake up. Perhaps it was the same for Antoinette as she was woken up by the sound of six consecutive gun shots.

Antoinette immediately sat up and looked around. She was mortified by the sight before her: Pakunoda's dead.

"P-Paku…" Antoinette got off the stone platform and ran towards Pakunoda. "Paku!"

Antoinette cradled Paku's lifeless body in her arms, tears ran down her cheeks as she mourned for her dead comrade and friend.

"Antoinette" Machi placed a hand on Antoinette's shoulder.

"Machi…Paku… She's…" She looked up at Machi with tearful eyes.

Machi knelt down and embraced Antoinette. "It's going to be ok, Antoinette."

"Boss…" Antoinette started and looked at Machi in the eyes. Using her nen, in an instant, she knew. "He's… not here..."

"What happened?" Shizuku asked.

"I'll explain. I understand everything now." Phinks stepped up.

While Phinks explained the series of events to the other Troupe members, Antoinette, with knowledge of it already, went out of the building for some air. It's been a really stressful day for all of them and she needs to take a short break or she might have one of her famous breakdowns.

In front of the wired fence, Antoinette stood. The rain has passed and out came a beautiful full moon, ever so bright in the sky in its full glory. Antoinette gently grabbed the wire, hoping to see Chrollo walking up the path, back to the base and that what she saw in Machi's eyes and memory were false but she's just fooling herself that way and she knows it because her powers never lie. She tightened her grip on the wires in frustration.

"It's been a tough night, huh?" From out of the blue, came a cool voice.

Antoinette felt more frustrated. "What do you want?" She knows who it is and she doesn't really want to see him.

"Nothing. I was just passing by." Illumi crossed his arms above his chest and leaned on the fence.

He stared at Antoinette who seems to be fighting a raging storm within her.

"Is it ok to ask… how you and Chrollo met?" Illumi knows that he's slowly approaching dangerous waters with that question but it might bring some calm memories for her.

"… We just did. I was a little girl who was wandering around… Meteor City." Her grip tightened at the mention of the place, wounding her and causing a droplet of blood to trickle down the wire. "I was constantly bullied but… one day, I met boss and he defended me from my attackers."

_Why does that… story seem so familiar? _Illumi thought.

"We've been together ever since." A slight smile found its way on Antoinette's lips and that somehow encouraged Illumi to question her further.

"I do wonder… why is it you seem to hate me the moment you saw me? Is it because I'm a 'friend' of Hisoka'?"

Antoinette glanced at him and once more looked into his eyes. "Do you know what my power is?"

"Hisoka hinted me on it. You can see the truths that you seek by looking at the person in the eyes, right?"

Antoinette nodded. "Our nen power is influenced by our past experiences and the environments we grew up in. I grew up in Meteor City with the boss and other members of the Troupe but… that only accounts for half the reason why that is my power."

_Maybe not even half of it… _Antoinette corrected in her thoughts.

"Then what's the other half?" Illumi was particularly interested. He feels as though he's missing something and this girl before him knows the answer.

Antoinette slightly smiled but it was a sad smile. "Once upon a time, there was a little girl who lived with her elder brother. They were poor and lived in the dumps. The little girl, ever so weak, was constantly picked on by the other kids but her big brother was always there to help her. One day, her big brother had to leave and do something with a friend. The little girl wandered and ended up being assaulted by little demons. During the assault, her left ear was damaged."

Unconsciously, Antoinette touched her left ear.

"Maybe the attack would have done more to her if she wasn't rescued by another boy. The boy was from a noble family and no one knows that he ventures out into the dumps. The boy slaughtered the demons so quickly the little girl barely knew what happened. All she knows is that in front of her is her savior, her knight in shining armor. The little girl took the boy's outstretched hand and to this day she still remembers vividly, the warm touch. Even the boy's short black hair and his dark, dark eyes which she stared into so intensely."

Antoinette looked at the big bright moon and said, "The little girl grew and as the years passed, to this very day, she wishes to see the young boy and stare into his eyes once more."

_So that's why… _Illumi thought and after a few moments of silence, took Antoinette's bleeding hand and wrapped it with some cloth.

"It might get infected." Illumi said as Antoinette stared at her bandaged hand. "Make sure to have it cleansed later on."

Antoinette then smiled at him but it was the same sad smile and somewhere close to tears, "You know what's so sad about that story? The moment they met, they never even recognized each other and the girl, when she did, was only heartbroken to know that her prince doesn't know her at all, nor does he remember anything about her."

After that, Antoinette turned away and started walking back to the base but Illumi grabbed her hand. "But what if the boy knew deep inside him all along, that precious fragment of his life… missing? What if he tries to remember but couldn't until now? Will the girl forgive him?"

Illumi's words struck Antoinette deep.

"What if it was all just an illusion? What if they never really did meet? And it was only a dream." She countered, not facing him at all but grabbed his hand tightly, seeking for an answer, for comfort. "The human memory is fallible, prone to mistakes. A dream could be reality and reality could only be a dream."

Antoinette could feel the tears brimming. Should she let them flow? Or should she hold them back?

"Then let this dream be a reality." Illumi pulled her gently to him and embraced her. Antoinette cried silently. "I'm sorry I forgot." Illumi caressed her long black hair. "But I remember… the little girl I saved when I was younger. I remember gazing at her from afar whenever I find her in Meteor City, when I would visit just to see her and kills would only be my second priority for taking a mission in that place. And… I remember not seeing her anymore and concluding that she left and will never see her again. It left a hole in me and it hurt so much back then that I decided to bury the memory and the emotions I felt when I was a child. I'm really sorry, Antoinette."

Machi stood by the base's threshold, eyeing the scene from afar.

"What do you plan to do now?" Came the voice of Hisoka the magician.

"What should I do? Partly, I blame you for even introducing him to her. … But what can I do? Antoinette's… not the little girl the boss and I used to protect all the time." Machi didn't look at Hisoka nor did she feel irritated this time. She's just focused on the two figures standing under a pool of moonlight. "And since Paku's death… She'll have to take her place automatically. And with you gone, we'll have to recruit a new member. There's nothing I can do but let things go the way they should. But for Antoinette… She'll just have to decide where her heart truly belongs someday."


End file.
